He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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