You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
