I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
