Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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