I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
