You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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