You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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