umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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