So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
