I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize