Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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