i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
