Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
