I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
