They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we're making bets on your personal life
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
