I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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