Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
