I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
