awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
