Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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