Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm like, not good at living.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
