watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ttyl tear gas
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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