Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
