this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
