Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, beer. Big fan.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
