if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You are a genius and a whore.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
