Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
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Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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