Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
