He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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