If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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