I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
