Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
