you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
