it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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