So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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