he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
