Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
