he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
