So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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