she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
