PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
