Its about making memories worth repressing
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
