keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
