I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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