i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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