my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
