I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
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I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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