There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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