I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
