Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
