Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
