I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
