I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
