I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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