well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
