In the future we'll all be gay
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
