Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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