My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
