dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
