I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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