I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
