I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
