i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
