Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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