Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
