you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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