i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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