Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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