i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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