Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
