Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
