Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
