Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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