new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
