I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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