This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
