Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
